You disgraceful bag of unidentifiable garbage! Now sit up and smell the fucking shit, you lard ridden lard arse.

I will not tolerate your lazy good for nothing attitude, nor will I except your excellent excuses.

AND IF YOU TAKE UP THE CHALLENGE YOU HAD BETTER BE SERIOUS...

If you do not keep yourself in good shape for us good ladies, then your personality, or wallet, better had! If they don't stack up either, then boy are you in trouble! A life of single hood is not a happy prospect especially for the fat and forty.

Let me ask you a question: If I could show you a way how to get in shape, loose the access body fat and be more healthy, vibrant and sexy than ever before would you be interested? Of course you would. But what are you prepared to do about it and how important is it to you?

You see I only work with the workers on this one. I only work with submissive men who can prove to me that they simply must change the way they look. They must be at desperation point and be prepared to do anything I see fit to succeed. If you are neither inspired sufficiently nor desperate enough, move straight on to Food Play!

If you would like to try and prove your worthiness for being considered for the Programme I welcome your begging letters, including fifty reasons why I should help you.

Make sure you include a recent photo, chubby...

The following are the benefits you can expect to reap - bear in mind they are in direct proportion to the effort you exude.

•  An extremely challenging journey and a half, with more lows than highs, more pain than pleasure, more discomfort than being on a bed of nails and more public humiliation than your next door neighbour finding out you visit a Domme! It is very character building.

•  You will be able to create and maintain the body that ‘WE' ladies desire and deserve.

Now begin to write:

‘I AM A FAT FUCKING FUCKER WHO IS NOT EVEN GOOD AT THAT. MY BODY MESS, I MEAN MY BODY MASS, IS OF SUCH MAGNITUDE THAT IT CAN INHIBIT MY LOVE MAKING POSSIBILITIES. I CANNOT RISK GOING ON TOP AS MOST OF MY PARTNERS ARE NOT TURNED ON BY THE PROSPECT OF ENFORCED SUFFOCATION, AND EVEN IF THEY WERE, I COULD ONLY THRUST SEVERAL TIMES BEFORE ME AND MY KNACKERS WOULD BE COMPLETELY AND EMBARASSINGLY KNACKERED.

I FIND IT OVERWHELMINGLY BELITTLING BEING LABELLED THE ARCHETYPAL SACK OF SPUDS IN THE SACK! AND I DON'T LAUGH AT JOKES AIMED AT MY SELF INFLICTED HOME OF FATNESS.

I DON'T FIND SUCH COMMENTS AS “SLAP MY STOMACH AND RIDE THE WAVES HOME TO FIND MY MOVING VESSEL IN THE SEA OF FLABBNESS” FUNNY. AND NO, BEFORE YOU ASK, I DON'T PROVIDE A MAP. AND I DON'T FIND THAT FUNNY EITHER!

BECAUSE IT'S NOT FUNNY IS IT? BEING OVER WEIGHT CAN BE DANGEROUS NOW AND HAVE REPERCUSSIONS IN THE FUTURE. IT CAN CAUSE PHYSICAL DAMAGE TO MY JOINTS AND HEART, AS WELL AS MENTAL ANGUISH PROBLEMS INCLUDING LOW SELF ESTEEM ISSUES!

IT IS MY DUTY TO LOOK AS UTTERLY STUNNING AS I POSSIBLY CAN. I DEEM THIS NECESSARY AS MISTRESS HELLENA HAS NOW ENLIGHTENED ME ON THE REASONS WHY IT IS SO IMPORTANT TO LOOK AS DEVASTATINGLY HANDSOME AND DAPPER AS I POSSIBLY CAN. I NOW TOTALLY UNDERSTAND THAT MISTRESS HELLENA IS WORKING ON BEHALF OF ALL WOMEN WITH POWER OUT THERE. IT IS FOR THIS REASON THAT I MUST TAKE ACTION AND BE AS PRESENTABLE AS A DIAMOND DOG COLLER DISPLAYED AT TIFFANYS. I DO TRULY UNDERSTAND THAT NO WOMEN ON THIS PLANET SHOULD BE SUBJECTED TO MY BULGING BODY UNLESS THE BULGE IS EITHER IN MY WALLET OR IN MY TROUSERS, BUT THEN THAT‘S ANOTHER BALL GAME ENTIRELY.

AH, MY MISTRESS HELLENA, THE BEST POSSIBLE CANDIDATE TO TAKE ME IN HAND!

I DESERVE MORE OF MYSELF - LET ME REPHRASE THAT - I DESERVE LESS OF MYSELF. AND I DEEM TO LOSE THESE UNHEALTHY AND UNSIGHTLY POUNDS, WITH THE KIND HELP OF MY KIND MISTRESS HELLENA.'

Please be aware of the fact that I am not, nor do I profess to be a professional dietician, or health specialist. I recommend someone who is a specialist in these matters for advice on healthy eating to compliment my programme.

No, my forte is in MOTIVATION through mental and physical pain and pleasure techniques and principles.

You need also be aware that my ways can be very ruthless and extreme. They have to be to attain the required results.

I WILL NOT FAIL.

AND YES IT IS A GUARANTEE AND A PROMISE, NOT JUST AN IDLE THREAT.